Children’s Nativity

nativity-blue-300x225

This time of the year brings a whole host emotions for me. A mixture of joy and sadness. So far, this year has been the easiest year since loosing Eliza. Yet, at the Biggest One’s nativity, I spent the entire time crying!!

Rewind 3 years, I was attending the Biggest One’s first nativity only two months after loosing Eliza. She had just started school nursery. She was allowed to go a few months earlier than her January start to give me some time to grieve alone.

As we arrived we were ushered into the sports hall, the first time we had been in there. Lots of little benches lined up for parents to perch on. We were some of the last to arrive so were sat near the door. The lights dimmed and the children arrived. The Biggest One was dressed as a star, she was the youngest one there. Cue the tears. Children start to sing. Cue more tears. Talk about birth, babies, angels, stars. More tears. I had to walk out, it got too much. My wonderful Husband helped me get back in to see the end and more importantly, let the Biggest One know we were there.

This is how nativities have been ever since (except I can usually last the whole thing without walking now). It seems to be the only place in public I can’t hold those tears back. They just flow!

Tomorrow I have to face the Christingle service! Tissues are already packed!!

Christingle 2006 3

 

Advertisements

WIP

Like other fellow crafters, I have secret place. A place where incomplete projects go. Once a project is in there, it rarely escapes, let alone being free’d to be completed.

I have a special WIP (Work In Progress). It sits in a wicker hamper onto of the wardrobe away from the other WIPs. It’s not like other the WIPs, it will never be completed.

3 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful girl. Our second daughter, Eliza. We had a rough time during the birth which caused her complications. Sadly, 3 days later, Eliza died in my arms.

Our world crumbled. My soul was drained. I became a shadow of myself.

Whilst I was pregnant, I knitted Eliza various items. I couldn’t keep them, so I decided to frog them, and make a memory blanket. I knew how to knit, but had always wanted to crochet. I picked up a hook and learnt. The monotonous nature of knitting and crochet became healing. With each stitch I grew stronger. With each stitch a little part of my soul returned.

The squares are sat neatly in their wicker hamper. That blanket will never be completed. My grief will never be completed either. It’s part of me, I have grown to carry it.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month with a Wave of Light in 15th October. In countries around the world, candles are lit at 7pm for an hour. This creates a Wave of Light round the world in memory of all the babies lost in pregnancy, at birth and in infancy. Eliza died during the Wave of Light. Knowing there were so many people thinking of her as she died was a comfort and in the following years, the Wave of Light has helped us remember Eliza. Please light a candle for all those precious Angel Babies.