This time of the year brings a whole host emotions for me. A mixture of joy and sadness. So far, this year has been the easiest year since loosing Eliza. Yet, at the Biggest One’s nativity, I spent the entire time crying!!
Rewind 3 years, I was attending the Biggest One’s first nativity only two months after loosing Eliza. She had just started school nursery. She was allowed to go a few months earlier than her January start to give me some time to grieve alone.
As we arrived we were ushered into the sports hall, the first time we had been in there. Lots of little benches lined up for parents to perch on. We were some of the last to arrive so were sat near the door. The lights dimmed and the children arrived. The Biggest One was dressed as a star, she was the youngest one there. Cue the tears. Children start to sing. Cue more tears. Talk about birth, babies, angels, stars. More tears. I had to walk out, it got too much. My wonderful Husband helped me get back in to see the end and more importantly, let the Biggest One know we were there.
This is how nativities have been ever since (except I can usually last the whole thing without walking now). It seems to be the only place in public I can’t hold those tears back. They just flow!
Tomorrow I have to face the Christingle service! Tissues are already packed!!